


The Hazards of Helmets (or two Norse Gods and a waterbed)

by zimriya



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, nothing like some quick porny prompt filling to finish a week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimriya/pseuds/zimriya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor and Loki and a waterbed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hazards of Helmets (or two Norse Gods and a waterbed)

**Author's Note:**

> betaed by soph, who watched me type it in the google doc and laughed at my failure to use commas properly.

  
\--

It is entirely Stark’s fault--that’s what Loki decides, anyway. Never mind that not even genius billionaire playboy philanthropists could possibly plan in advance for a pair of honeymooning Norse gods deciding to take him up on any and all drunken offers of hospitality.Or that Thor had originally wanted simply to go to sleep, and it was Loki who had insisted on more vigorous activities. Also on wearing the helmet. In hindsight, that was poor planning.

“Ow,” Thor says, finally. He sinks back against the puddle of water they’re lying sprawled in and releases Loki’s hips to let his arms fall to his sides with a faint splashing noise. “How did you even bend that far?”

Loki glares down at him from underneath the helmet, and shifts on his knees restlessly. The movement makes Thor’s entire body tense, eyes snapping shut, and his hips jerk up involuntarily. Loki’s breath stutters from his chest and he bends himself forward so that he’s as close to resting his forehead to Thor’s chest as he can be without taking out his brother’s eyes.

“Sorry,” Thor says, sounding it. “Please don’t blind me.”

Loki chuckles dryly. “Did you know on Midgard they have a saying regarding blinding?” He heaves himself back upright and reaches down to take a hold of his cock and to give it a quick stroke. Thor’s eyes flick down to watch him, and he swallows. “We’re well beyond anything the mortals joke could cause loss of eyesight,” Loki purrs. He reaches up with his free hand to grab the helmet and tosses it off to his right. The resulting clang did nothing to ease the tension.

“We broke Stark’s bed,” Thor says, eyes still not nearly hazy enough for Loki’s liking. He wagers that Thor is somewhere caught between wanting to stop and wanting to flip them over.

“Mm,” Loki says. “Technically I did,” he adds, grinning. “Behaviour like that warrants punishment, don’t you think?”

Thor’s lips curve up into an equally devious smile, and he takes advantage of their position to push himself upright. Loki is forced to shift back on his knees with a desperate groan.

“By the _nine_ ,” he hisses out between his teeth, even as he tips his head to let Thor kiss him. And kiss him. And _kiss_ him. And then push him down into the ruined soggy remains of the bed, grab him by the back of the knees, and cause a repeat of the move that put them on the floor in the first place.

When he comes down from the post-orgasmic bliss, the base of his skull is faintly tingling, and he’s seeing faint, twinkling spots of light dancing around Thor’s head. Thor, the bastard, is still pleasantly hard inside him, and looking more than a little uncomfortable for it. “I think you’ve blinded me,” Loki says instead of moving, and when Thor grunts and shoves at his legs a bit, he simply curls them more firmly around Thor’s hips and refuses to budge. His brother is the picture of displeasure.

“Loki,” he growls.

Loki grins back at him. “You’re idea of punishment needs some work, brother mine,” he says. “Seeing as I am perfectly capable of speak--!”

Thor’s eyes narrow into slits, and he shoves his hips forward viciously. Loki lets out a truly embarrassing noise.

“You were saying?” says Thor.

“Fuck me,” says Loki, releasing his legs and bucking back against Thor’s cock. “Please,” he adds, and manages half a grin before Thor’s hips snap forward and he gets lost in the ensuing sea of pleasure.

\--

“We probably should replace the bed,” Loki says finally afterwards.

Thor doesn’t even bother responding, simply mouths mindlessly at Loki’s stomach.

“I could just magic a new one,” he continues, petting idly at Thor’s hair. “Or fix the old one.”

This time Thor manages words. “The man of iron has eyes everywhere.”

Loki blinks. “Have I fucked away your higher brain functions? You haven’t called him the man of iron in years.”

Thor murmurs something to his bellybutton.

“What?”

“I said you did no such fucking.”

Loki snorts. “If you’re going to be technical,” he says.

“You certainly were,” Thor says, attempting to pry his face from Loki’s stomach and groaning. “Earlier, I mean. When you asked me to punish you.” As soon as the sentence leaves his mouth, he looks somewhat chagrined and casts an apologetic look towards the ceiling.

“I do not think Stark’s security cameras are somewhere quite so obvious,” Loki tells him, somewhat gleefully.

“Indeed,” a crisp, british voice says. “They are not.”

There is a beat.

“Mr. Stark would like me to inform you that you do in fact owe him a new bed.”

Thor lets his head fall back to Loki’s stomach with a miserable sound. As he is conveniently covering most of Loki, Loki simply pats him on the back once.

“Also, he would like you to know that while he prides himself on having some of the most sound proof walls, they are no match for the God of Thunder.”

Loki tries, briefly, to disentangle himself from Thor, but his brother refuses to budge until he magics something over to cover them. When he realizes that the fabric is his cape, he makes another broken noise and grips Loki tighter.

“Agent Barton would like me to pass on congratulations, and requests that next time you see him you return his high five.”

Loki resists the urge to bury his face in Thor’s shoulder, and settles for instead salvaging the remains of their clothes.

\--

“I do not see why need to spend quite so much money,” says Loki. “I can always improve it as necessary on the way back.” Thor doesn’t look up from where he’s been perusing the waterbed section of the store. They’d gotten quite a few looks when they’d first arrived, but very quickly Thor’s overwhelming personality and Loki’s subtle flashing of his wallet had the employees bending over backwards to help them in their quest.

That was hours ago. At this point, they’re lucky they haven’t been kicked out.

“Hush,” Thor says. “We owe Tony a great deal.”

Loki rolls his eyes. “ _You_ owe him a great deal,” he says.

Thor looks up at him. “Did you know that Fury wished for your death?” he says.

Loki frowns. “What does that matter?”

“I of course argued against it,” Thor continues, ignoring him.

Loki laughs bitterly. “Of course you did,” he says under his breath.

“You are not the only one who shares that opinion, brother,” Thor says quietly. “And my protests would have fallen on deaf ears if not for Tony.”

Loki’s frown deepens. “What business would Stark have in saving me? What is there for him to gain?”

Thor laughs. “They do not all think of things in such simple ways, brother,” he says. “You remind him of himself, I think.”

Loki blinks. “Is that meant to be of some comfort to me?” he says. “Because I’m less inclined to stay here with you so you do not have to fly home.”

Thor’s lips quirk up into a smug little smile.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Thor turns back to the beds. “You could improve it to something more to Tony’s standards?”

“Yes,” Loki says carelessly. “Now what did you--” He breaks off when Thor kisses him, a quick peck on the lips that makes the store owner, a pretty, mousy looking girl with wire rim glasses and a too quick smile, go faintly pink and knock over a box of altoids.

Thor pulls away, grinning, and selects one of the beds. He lifts it with relative ease, but Loki can’t quite help the way he uses his magic to lighten the load. Thor shoots him a look filled half with amusement, half with affection, and shifts the box to one arm. The other he drapes across Loki’s shoulders, curling his fingers around Loki’s right arm and squeezing once. “Come, Loki,” he says. “It is getting late.”

Loki turns his head to the side to look at Thor, at his wide smile, bright, loving blue eyes, and the slow curve of his mouth. He kisses him, hard and hot, and retreats leaving Thor wanting for the check out counter. “Coming, brother?”

\--

They don’t make it past setting the bed down inside the tower before they’re stumbling towards the nearest solid surface. That it happens to be the couch that most of the Avengers are sitting on is of little consequence; they flee the scene as soon as clothing starts being removed.

\--

END.

Bonus:

Tony: “--No, I’m pretty sure that it goes _there_ , guys.”

Steve: “Tony, you’re not even reading the instructions.”

Tony: “Shut up!”

Clint: “Pretty sure they’re upside down, genius.”

Tony: “I am a genius, aren’t I! And I’m also the only person who’s ever created anything worth creating, so I think that I know what I’m talking about--”

Bruce: “Guys.”

Tony: “--so the both of you can just relax and sit back and let me handle this--”

Bruce: “Guys.”

Steve: “But if you just let me look at the instructions, I’m sure that we could figure this out--”

Tony: “How many times do I have to tell you, Cap!? Instructions are for people who don’t know how to do things--”

Natasha: “None of you know how to do this.”

Tony: “--and obviously I know what I’m doing so--”

Bruce: “GUYS.”

Bruce: “That’s not even part of the new bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! (feel free to say hi on [tumblr](http://zimriya.tumblr.com/) (as I'm more likely there than here)


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